“Save my Marriage” Advice … for a Lifelong Commitment
Are you desperate to learn how to save your marriage? Marriage is meant to be a lifelong commitment. The beautiful day you wear your wedding dress and walk down the aisle to meet the man you deem fit to be your life partner is marked by promises of standing by each other till death.
However, the statistics in this regard are fairly dismal! Close to 50% of marriages nowadays end in divorce.
The end of a marriage is devastating, apart from losing your life-partner, people usually also lose security, self-confidence, a friend, a confidant and most of all, love and companionship.
No wonder many women are looking for advice on how to fix a marriage before it potentially ends in divorce. The situation is even worse if there are any children involved. In such cases divorce will not only affect the couple itself but will also have a lasting impact on the kids’ lives.
The modern woman may pride herself on career success and financial security. However, it is undeniable that it is mostly having a husband and a family that makes women feel complete, content and loved.
Is your marriage in trouble? Don’t worry, every marriage goes through difficult times. Understand that every marriage that lasts and ‘survives’ takes extra effort from both partners – over an extended period of time.
Here are 6 steps a woman can take to learn how to fix a marriage that is on the brink of divorce.
6 Steps on How to Save Your Marriage
Take the time to listen to your partner
Find a calm and gentle way to express your feelings and opinions
Depending on the state of your relationship – consider taking some time apart
Find it in your heart to forgive and try as much as you can to forget
Find shared goals and objectives and focus your energies on achieving them together
Work on your sex life
1. Take the Time to Listen to Your Partner
The first advice on ‘how to save my marriage’ is to actually realize that marriages don’t break down without a reason. Instead, it is often because both parties have issues and needs that are not being met.
This is why marriage counseling can be a very effective way to work on fixing your marriage. Simply listening to your partner, without judging or interrupting, can help you identify and understand what is really going wrong in your relationship.
Knowing the problem is the first step to saving a marriage because only then have you identified what needs to be worked on. Communication breakdown is the root-cause of divorce; failing to understand each other turns every conversation into an argument and living with your partner becomes unbearable.
2. Find a Calm and Gentle Way to Express Your Feelings and Opinions
The second advice on how to save your marriage is to always remind yourself of the fact that women in general are highly emotional beings, and then to act accordingly.
We are happiest when all our emotional needs are met. Therefore, after listening to your partner, it is only fair and reasonable for you to then also express your own feelings and emotions.
However, it might not always be easy for you to express your difficulties, mistakes, embarrassments and frustrations to the person you love.
If it turns out to be too difficult, then look for a mediator or a marriage counselor. Such a counselor will give you the courage to speak your mind, while keeping the discourse rational.
Here are some things to keep in mind while expressing yourself to your partner
- Be completely honest
- Do not apportion blame
- Love is brittle, choose words that do not emasculate or embarrass your partner
- Take full responsibility for everything that you are sure of is your fault. This will create room for your partner to likewise accept his role in the marriage being in trouble
- Be straightforward and leave nothing unsaid to avoid bitterness or resentment later
3. Depending on the State of Your Relationship – Consider Taking some Time Apart
As you are reading this article on how to save your marriage, you are probably driven to get connected and to get together with your partner again, as soon as possible.
However, realize that sometimes partners need to spend time apart to understand just how much value the other person adds to their life. The time apart will help to organize your thoughts and feelings and also to rediscover who you are as an individual, outside or apart from your marriage.
Contrary to popular misconception, marriage should not be a union between two halves to make one whole. Rather, it should be a union between two fairly complete and emotionally healthy people who make the conscious decision to build a life together.
Marriages start having problems when each partner loses herself / himself in the marriage. Being apart for some time can give each of you the opportunity to build yourself so that you can have more to offer again in your marriage.
Strive to be stable, independently minded, happy and content as an individual. Then you will be able to love another person without expecting too much in return.
Click here to watch this incredible free presentation on how to save your marriage … starting today!
4. Find it in Your Heart to Forgive and Try as much as You Can to Forget
Many women can forgive but often have an extremely hard time forgetting. Yet, one thing that can severely drag a marriage down is holding on to your partner’s past wrongs.
To err is human and if you are committed to making your marriage work then you have to let go of the past. If you hold on to past mistakes then you are building resentment and bitterness which is nothing but a time-bomb waiting to eventually explode.
If you keep digging up things from the past whenever you are aggrieved then you will only upset your partner and lose his trust. Your marriage will only last if you give your partner a clean slate he can start over with.
However, don’t bend over backwards to please an unwilling partner. Your forgiveness should always depend on your partner’s ability to honestly apologize and to make changes moving forward.
Do you find it hard to forgive? That is entirely human. But if you really want to learn how to save your marriage then you also need to learn how to forgive.
Here are a few simple ways to greatly enhance your ability to forgive
- Remind yourself why you fell in love and made the decision to get married
- Appreciate the good things your partner does and avoid demonizing every little mistake he may make
- Random acts of kindness from your partner can soften your heart and help you forgive and forget
5. Find Shared Goals and Objectives and Focus Your Energies on Achieving them Together
A marriage will only work if you still want, at least to some extent, the same things in life.
Common goals and projects shared with your partner make you more than just a married couple. They transform you into life partners who have the same targets. They also give you a reason to spend time together.
6. Work on Your Sex Life
Love and marriage need sex to survive and thrive. Men are highly visual, while women are more emotional. No matter how long you have been married, take the time to seduce and excite your husband. Experiment and be sexually adventurous.
Here are 5 Amazing Books that will Help You Work on Your Sex Life
Try to get your hands on at least a few of them. Doing so will ultimately help you a great deal to learn how to save your marriage.
- The Sex-Starved Marriage: Boosting Your Marriage Libido: A Couple’s Guide
- The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman
- Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel
- The Erotic Mind by Jack Morin
- The Guide to Getting It On by Paul Joannides (this book is already in the sixth edition!)
Final Thoughts on ‘How to Save My Marriage’
Still not quite sure how to save your marriage? One of the most important but often completely neglected ‘save my marriage’ advice is to actually try very hard to be nice to your partner. This alone could save your marriage!
Though ignored by many women, the power and strength of a woman in a marriage is not how much she brings in financially, or how hard you complain; your strength is love, humility, gentleness and self-control.
Sounds like a cliché, right? You will be surprised how far a little bit of thoughtfulness can go in softening your husband’s heart, no matter what state your relationship is in.
Additionally, if you are kind, caring and loving then you can easily find out whether also your partner is willing to work on your marriage.
Sometimes marriages end because partners focus on wrong doings, bitterness and proving a point. As a woman, take the initiative to be the ‘bigger person’. Take the high road. This is the best way to find out if your marriage can be saved or not.
Recommended: Why do some Men like to cheat and lie?