The 5 – Step Plan on How to win him back … and keep him around
So you and your boyfriend broke up but deep down you want him back. Breakups can be confusing and emotionally draining which is why many women are bound to make a lot of mistakes that hurt their chances of getting back together with their Ex’s. Yet, constantly reflecting on how to win him back will make you appear desperate and needy to the rest of the world – including your ex.
Instead, follow below 5 rules for a very good change on winning him back. And, in case you decided to NOT try and get back with your Ex, read our article here on how to get over your ex.
The TOP 5 “Rules” on Winning him back
The ‘No Contact’ Rule
Get busy with Life
Ask Him out
Be the Prize to be won
Let’s go over those 5 steps, one by one, to make sure we cover it all.
Recommended Reading: Should I get back with my Ex?!
1. The ‘No Contact’ Rule
Cut off all communication with your Ex for at least 66 days. What? That does sound crazy, doesn’t it! And why 66 days? Because according to Phillipa Lally, a health psychology researcher at University College London, it takes more than two months for someone to adjust to a new situation.
Delete your ex’s number, unfriend him on all social media sites and delete his email contact. Cutting off all contact will help you to:
- Take a step back and analyze your relationship. It’s much easier to see a relationship for what it really is (or was) when you are no longer in it. You will be able to see all the flaws in it and what you could have done differently to improve the situation.More importantly, you will be able to see if you were a good match for each other in the first place.
- Heal and move on. After 66 days of no contact, you’ll know whether you really want to get back with your ex or not. But when you are in constant contact with him, you won’t be able to tell whether you want him back out of neediness and loneliness or whether you genuinely love him.
- Improve yourself. Your self-esteem probably took a hit when your boyfriend broke up with you. You are probably feeling like you are not good enough for him or for any other man. If you are feeling this way, it’s not a good idea to try and get back with your Ex.Your insecurities will make you appear needy and desperate because you will be relying on his response to feel good about yourself. Don’t give him this power over you.
2. Get busy with Life
Overall, try to completely forget about thinking about how to how to win him back or on the next steps on how to get him back. Instead, get busy with your life! Join a karate class. Go on a trip. Reconnect with an old friend. Volunteer at your church. Do all the things that you wanted to do but couldn’t because you were in a relationship. Don’t sit idle or waddle in self-pity.
Staying busy will help you to:
- Maintain the no contact rule. Your mind will be so occupied that you won’t have time to obsess over him or the good memories that you had together.
- Build back your self-esteem. Getting out there and doing something that you know you are good at will make you feel good about yourself. And when you feel good about yourself, you won’t need someone else to re-assure you that you are good enough.
3. Re-establish Contact
So it’s been 66 days and you feel that you want to give your relationship with your Ex another shot. Good for you. However, before you pick up the phone to dial his number, ask yourself one question…
Will you be okay if he doesn’t want to reconnect? If the answer is no, then you are probably not ready to re-establish contact with him. Remember that in order to get back with your Ex, you need to be in total control of your emotions. His response to you should not determine your happiness.
If, however, you are sure you will be okay regardless of the response you may get from him, shoot him a casual text or email. Keep it friendly and see how he responds. Remind him of a good moment that you both had while you were dating.
Don’t double text him if he doesn’t respond. Wait a few days before sending him another text. If he doesn’t respond then it’s best to you move on or wait for him to respond. But you shouldn’t hold your breath waiting for a response.
4. Ask Him out
Assuming your Ex responded positively and things are going well, it’s time to call him and ask him out. Don’t tell him that you want to get back together. He will become defensive. Keep everything casual. Let him wonder what you are up to.
Don’t beg or push him to go out with you. While on the date, don’t talk about your breakup or your past relationship. Focus on having fun.
5. Be the Prize to be won
You want your Ex to think that it was his idea to get back together. The best way to do this is to let him come to you. After going out with him, don’t call him, wait for him to call you. Don’t obsess over how to win him back.
If you feel the urge to contact him again, wait for a week to call him. Your relationship should develop organically so if you find that you are the one always initiating the dates, calls or texts, it’s time to take a step back.
In the meantime, you should be out meeting new guys and enjoying your life as a single woman until your Ex decides to “lock you down”. Fixating on your Ex will drive him away.
If anything, you should be a limited prize edition. A man will only chase after something that he fears he might lose. If he sees that some other man will snag you if he doesn’t act fast, he will do everything in his will power to make you his again. But if he sees that you are available and eager to get back with him, he won’t be motivated to fight to keep you around.
How to win him back … some final Words on Neediness, Mindset, and Desperation
The key to getting back with an Ex is to avoid coming across as needy or desperate. Neediness is a mindset. If you want to get back with your Ex because it will make you feel a certain way, that’s neediness.
If you want to get back with him because you fear he will move on, that’s desperation. You need to get over him in order to get him back. Live life for yourself, not for the sake of figuring out how to win him back.
And lastly, you have to know when to throw in the towel. If he isn’t chasing, you should back up after a certain amount of time and really move on with you life without him.