How to let go of Someone You Love?
Even in amicable separations, letting go is a struggle. The idea of losing a once magical life behind – all the good memories and beautiful moments – is scary for the most of us. At first sight, there simply appears to be no way you will ever be able to learn how to let go of someone you love.
When there are feelings left for that person, the situation is even worse. It often feels like it is impossible to cut ties completely. And then there’s that small hope that maybe, just maybe, there might still be a second chance to reconnect down the road.
Allow me to tell you first that you are not alone in this journey, and that your feelings of deep pain and despair are all valid. Almost everyone who’s been in that situation has felt the same. If only I can forget him, you’d say.
But moving on isn’t just about forgetting. You don’t even have to force yourself to stop loving someone. Time is the best healer, but though it can’t heal all wounds, it can make those wounds less painful. So, give yourself time. And when you are really ready to let him go, let these five steps help you.
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Cut off all Communication
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Allow yourself to grieve
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Let go of the Fantasy
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Accept that it’s okay to still have Feelings for that Person
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Love yourself and let yourself be loved
1. Cut off all Communication
Being friends with your ex is not a sign of maturity. You are the “best friend” that you need at this difficult time. You are not obliged to keep in contact just to save your face or to not look bitter in front of your friends. Protecting yourself is what’s important. Shielding yourself from everything that will only cause you more pain and throw you out of balance. That is a sign of maturity.
If your ex keeps contacting you, just let him know that you want to keep your distance at the moment. You don’t need to disappear completely and you don’t owe him an explanation why you need space, but he will most likely get the message and respect your decision if you just politely tell him so.
It doesn’t mean you can’t be good friends again. But friends protect each other and look for each other’s welfare, and your breakup only proves that’s a questionable thing already. Perhaps when you are both fully healed, you can forgive and be friends.
2. Allow yourself to grieve
Understand that grieve is an important part of understanding how to let go of someone you love. There’s nothing undignified in letting yourself wallow in your sea of pain, at least at the first few months of the breakup. There’s no shortcut to healing. We all have to go through this hellish phase. Blast those sad love songs while you’re eating a whole tub of ice cream, it’s up to you. Cry all you want. No one’s stopping you.
Suppressing the pain and pretending you are not hurt will only prolong the healing process. You have the right to choose how to cope from this experience, but know that this is temporary. Treat yourself with kindness because you’re the only one who can pull yourself out of this mess.
3. Let go of the Fantasy
It’s hard to accept that it’s over. We often cling to the good memories and tell ourselves that it would have ended differently if we did this and that. We want a second chance to make it work again. But it’s only because we form an idea of a near-perfect relationship in our heads that we can’t let go of. In reality, this relationship doesn’t exist. And it’s what keeps us stuck in the fantasy we created.
Think of all the painful memories, the bad fights, everything from your past relationship that brought you pain, write it down and read it over to yourself. Reflect on these moments and remember how you’ve felt at that time. Look deeply into that relationship of yours; see it for what it is and realize why it has to end.
Recommended: Bible Verses about Relationships
4. Accept that it’s okay to still have Feelings for that Person
Sometimes we can never really stop loving a person. And many women also ask themselves questions like “Should I get back with me Ex?!” Every person we meet, especially the one that plays a significant role in our lives, has somehow changed us. They gave us the gift of love and let us experience how it is to be loved. It’s a wonderful feeling and it’s normal to still have a spot for them in our hearts.
A related issue is also how to get over being cheated on. Understand that here as well, it is ok to still have feelings for that person, even if he may have been unfaithful to you. Do not blame yourself for your feelings.
5. Love yourself and let yourself be loved
What may be the most important lesson to learn in how to let go of someone you love is to actually rebuild yourself by letting go of the negative feelings, self-doubt and criticism that keep on replaying in your head. You are worthy to be loved again, and by a man who knows how to treat you right. But in order to understand how to let go of someone you love, you really must be able to love yourself, first.
Treat this moment as an opportunity to get to know yourself deeply and discover what makes you genuinely happy. Give yourself the love that you’ve always wanted to have, with or without a man by your side. Although, a new love, who knows, can be a welcome distraction.
Recommended Reading: Getting over Your Ex